Pavlova vs. Eton Mess

First couple of weeks back at work

Have you ever tried Pavlova? It is one of my favorite desserts: a small, pastry-like circular shaped, crisp meringue with whipped cream inside and berries on top. It looks incredibly well composed, accurate and graceful - probably the reason why they named it after the famous ballerina Anna Pavlova. The thing is, it’s incredibly fragile - the moment you try it, it falls apart. 

That’s how I think about my first week back to work. You walk into the office, feeling excited and a bit nervous. You are somewhat full of energy (still on a 4 hour sleep cycle), have chosen the best outfit you could fit into, hoping the first impression will be that of “she’s got it, she is back”. You greet people with a smile, sincerely glad to see them and ready for endless small talk. You are charming, elegant and well composed - just like Pavlova desert itself! 

It’s all good, until you log into your computer - and crack! 20,000+ unread emails with your outlook nervously blinking “mailbox full” alert. None of your apps are working so you have to spend hours with IT team trying to bring it back to life. By the time your PC is more or less functioning, you are still nowhere close to progress on your mailbox - you can’t just bluntly delete all of the emails; you need to know what you missed: how the stock market is, what deals we priced and what got away; what investors were active and what their priorities are in the new year - oh and wait a second, got to get in touch with them asap to re engage / need to remind them that I am still around! Oh but back to the stock market - why are the bonds selling off again now and is the value trade coming back from the sidelines? 

Ideas are flowing from all sides and just like the Pavlova dessert, once you crack it open, they are scattered around the plate, making it difficult to decide from what angle you should approach them first… 

You learn early on that being able to prioritise your workflow is among the most powerful skills for any job; it’s at the very heart of efficiency. The challenge is, for the past 6 months I did not have to decide on the hierarchy of my to do list. I only had one priority - taking care of my daughter, Léa. Attending to her every need, every cry and occasional moaning. Instead of sleep, I got used to power naps; having a proper meal was out of the question, not to mention it being warm! They say that for the first 3 months your baby does not know that it is an independent being and sees itself as an extension of its mother. I can’t confirm if that’s what Léa was experiencing but it definitely felt that way… You belong to your baby and it's your most important job to be able to be there for her day or night. 

So as I was going back to being myself only, I found it tricky to deal with a growing number of things on my plate. I wanted to get things done but was simultaneously distracted by all the other initiatives on my mind; interestingly, it was a mix between the usual : curiosity about the markets & investments and getting involved with the Family Matters initiative at work. That’s why after 3 days of feeling completely disorganised and inefficient at work, I realised that there was something reassuring and enjoyable about me being torn between various tasks. I still care a lot about my work, have my old interests and I am keen to rediscover my new role as a working mum. 

True, I did not deal with it in a gracious, Pavlovian like way (at least because I did sprint through half of Paris to make it back home for Lea’s bedtime routine); my first couple of weeks were more of an Eton Mess experience. The two desserts might look very different, but they do have more or less the same ingredients and you can enjoy it just as much if you don’t hold yourself to an unrealistic standard.